I read a book few weeks ago and I am reading it again, to have better understanding of the wisdom the author shared. I shared with a group of women in writing how the book has been impacting and helping me through life. It is title “The Four Agreements, written by Don Migeul Riuz. I simply describe it as a wisdom book that one can learn a lot from to live an Objective, healthier, and fulfilling life.
I said to these group of lovely women that I am work in progress but am happy I am getting there.
I say this because I strictly followed one of the four agreements outlined and explained by Don Miguel Riuz. He admonished:
- Be Impeccable with your words
- Don’t take things personally
- Do not make assumptions, and
- Always do your best.
I was working with an unpaid intern on a project but the intern refused to show up for our meeting without prior notice. I waited and was thinking where he is? But then I glanced at my wall post and saw the four agreement of which one is “Do not make assumptions” and I thought what if he is indisposed? I concluded there must be a good reason for him not showing up.
Truly, few hours later, I received an email from him, informing me he was just recovering from a very bad bug. By the time I saw him, he looked lean and pale. I could have assumed that he didn’t show up because he is unpaid and therefore can’t be bothered about the project.
The truth is it is not always easy to follow such rules like the four agreements, but we have to make conscious efforts and be self-aware as we go through life. One of the people who read my post about the four agreements commented about how she was in a situation where someone took everything she said personally and read negative meaning to them. She said a person with a chip on their shoulder or a hurting person will find it hard to be objective, they are so self-focused. They read a hidden meaning into everything that is said. She went on to say that Objectivity is a virtue (I love this). “Not everything been said when you walk into a room is about you, oh yes trust me, even if you walk in and people stopped talking. The world does not have a hidden conspiracy to bring you down she said and I laughed.
With the intern, I could have assumed it was about me. I could have said it is because I am black, or Oh he does not like me, or perhaps said, he is against women and it can go on and on.
It can be hard sometimes not to allow our emotions over-ride us. For instance, I was on the bus today and was sat across a little girl of about 5 – 6 years old. I saw her finger and toe nails painted and I looked at her and thought “what is the need for this little girl’s painted nails? So the truth is in such situations, it is easy to judge others or just automatically assume she must have terrible parents.
We make affirmative judgement, we take everything personal. Our teacher detest us we think, our friend is back biting us, that colleague is crazy. The husband/wife has a password on his phone so he must be cheating.
Only if we can do our best. Yes the last rule should come first. Do your best at being impeccable with your words, try everything within you not to take things personally, and most importantly try not to assume what you do not know at all.
And doing your very best will always be the best.